Know r stars: Zatch Bell
by Hyper Buddies In Crime
Summary: Watch your favorite Zatch Bell characters get tortured by the voice. Know R Stars SPECIAL!
1. Zatch

"Hi, and welcome to know r stars Zatch Bell style" Shigure from fruits basket said lounging in a chair.

"Your in the wrong anime" Hyde said.

"Erin invited me here" the zodiac dog said shrugging.

"_Know r stars…know r stars…. know r stars"_

"Hey whose there have you got some yellowtail I'm starving" Zatch Said sitting in the chair.

"_Zatch…. he likes to grope men."_

All the men in the stadium immediately, ran out the exit.

"Hey that's a LIE" Zatch yelled.

"Don't worry everyone gets desperate once in a while" Shigure said.

"You sick pervert!!!" Kyou from fruits basket said entering out of nowhere.

"_Zatch…. he's two-timing Tia, for Kolulu"_

"HEY YOU MEANIE I'M NOT EVEN DATING HER!!"

"_Zatch…. he's leaving Tia to go marry Yellowtail"_

"WHAT that does not even make sense if I'm two-timing Tia for Kolulu, then how can I be leaving her for yellowtail" Zatch yelled.

"AHA SO YOU ADMIT IT" Erin yelled pointing the accusing finger.

"AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Zatch points the finger, you know the finger.

"_Zatch…he stole my watch!"_

"WHAT NOW YOU'RE ACCUSING ME OF STEALING"

"_Its true I bet my watch is in your pocket" (voice speaking still)_

Zatch frustrated, stuck his hands into his pocket, and pulled out the watch.

One of my OC's Skye opens a can labeled 'Can of Gasps'.

"WHAT t-that's im-im-impossible!!!!!"

"_SEEE THERE"S TH PROOF RIGHT THERE"_

"(sigh) He really did have his whole future ahead of himself and he went and ruined it" Shigure said shaking his head.

"I'm not a thief you probably paid someone to put it in my pocket!!!" Zatch protested.

Backstage, you see Erin paying Reycom 100 bucks.

"_Now you know Zatch who is about to be arrested"._

"WHY YOU LITTLE-

Zatch was cut short two policemen come, and barge down the door. (Damn I'm going to have to pay for that)

"Zatch Bell you are under arrest for theft"

Zatch was dragged away grumbling he would get his revenge.

"Well up next is Zofis and please send your ideas for know your stars thank you" Erin said waving bye.


	2. Zofis

"Hi we're back oh and most of these ideas belong to the reviewers" Erin said eating popcorn.

Zofis is brought out by guards and is forced to sit on the chair.

'_Know r stars…know r stars…. know r stars'_

"HEY WHO"S THERE!" Zofis shouted.

'_Zofis…picks earwax out of his ear when no one's looking'_

"Hey how dare you say that you (beep) (beep) (beeping) liar!"? Zofis yelled angrily.

'_Oh am I I've got a tape of you doing it right beside me'_

"How did you get that?" the cross dresser demanded.

"He didn't he just took a guess you caved in completely, and the tape thing he was making up" Erin said smirking.

"ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH CURSE YOU CURSE YOU ALL" Zofis screamed.

'_Zofis…he likes to swim in a pool of melted ice cream'_

"Right nobody with common sense would do that" Zofis said rolling his eyes.

'_Then what did you do with the thousand pounds of ice cream you bought?'_

There was an awkward silence….

"You've been spying on me haven't you"?

'_Maybe…'_

"What do you mean maybe its either yes or no which one is it!"

'_Not telling'_

"ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH"

'_You still haven't answered my question about the ice cream'_

"Well they umm well umm I umm yeah well I gave them to Shippou from Inuyasha" Zofis sputtered.

Just then Shippou entered the stage.

"Hey you didn't give me any ice cream," he said.

Then Miroku came on, saw Zofis went up to him and said…

"Young maiden will you bare my child"

Zofis flushed red with anger.

"Dude Zofis is a guy," Kiyo told Miroku.

Miroku's face turned s white as a ghost and he started backing away slowly.

"I umm got t-to g-g-go I-I n-n-need t-to change the c-c-c-cat li-li-li-litter," he sputtered running off stage.

'_Zofis…his white skin and purple lips is all makeup'_

"HEY THAT'S PERSONAL!"

"I wonder what really is under all that makeup?" Tia pondered.

"Lets find out" Kido said wiping off the makeup and then screamed in horror only the camera is filming the back of his head so you can't see his face but everyone else can.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"OH MY GOSH" Sherry yelled.

"GAH ME EYES IT BURNS!"

"I"VE GONE BLIND!"

"PUT THE MAKEUP BACK ON PUT THE MAKEUP BACK ON PUT IT BACK ON!" Erin screamed.

Megumi grabbed some white powder and purple lipstick and threw it on Zofis's face splattering it all over him.

The voice gains his composure back and he starts again.

'_Zofis he like to sing and dance to the I am Patie song'_

"I DO NOT!"

Erin turns on a big screen TV and it shows Zofis dancing and singing I am Patie.

Zofis is red with anger or embarrassment I don't know, but the audience is gasping for air due to laughter.

'_You were saying'_

Awkward silence….

'_Ahem Zofis…thinks Koko is ugly'_

"Zofis is that true!" Koko cried sobbing.

"That's not true I think she's hot," Zofis said.

"Oh" the audience said in unison.

"Hah I knew he loved her you owe me a hundred fifty bucks Eshros!" Maruss said jumping up.

"Here" Eshros grumbled handing over the money.

'_Zofis…has an unknown gender'_

"Why is everyone calling me that? I'm a guy for crying out loud!" Zofis yelled jumping up and down like a five-year old.

'_But you're a girl in the Japanese version and a boy in the English one'_

"My creator clearly stated I'm a guy!"

'_Moving on Zofis…he's only dating Koko to make Tia jealous'_

"WHAT!"

"ZOFIS I HATE YOU!" Koko yelled kicking Zofis where zhi sun doesn't shine.

"Ow"

"ZOFIS YOUR DEAD!" Zatch screeched lunging at Zofis and proceeded to beat him up.

After Zatch left Zofis was hurt beyond describing.

'_Zofis…likes to eat dirt'_

"That has got to be the lamest one you've said all day'

'So you admit it'

"What I never admitted it!"

'But you said that was the lamest thing I've said all day so it has to be true'

"Why you little son of a (BEEP)"

A mechanical arm holding a flyswatter came and whacked Zofis in kister.

"Watch you language" Erin yelled.

'_Zofis he's leaving Koko to marry his lipstick'_

"What that's not even possible cause you said I was only dating Koko to make Tia jealous so literally I'm really leaving Tia"

"AHA you admit your only dating Koko to make Tia jealous" Erin yelled pointing the accusing finger.

"What the that's not what I meant I'm not even dating Tia!"

"But you just said you were going to leave Tia"

Zatch went up and kicked Zofis in the you know where.

"Darn you and your logic" Zofis muttered.

'_Now you know Zofis…who's going to marry his lipstick'_

"WHAT THAT'S IT COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" Zofis screamed like a little girl.

Mocha pressed a button and the ground exploded underneath Zofis sending him rocketing out of the building.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH" he screamed turning into a twinkle in the sky.

"That's all for today Eshros next bye"


	3. Eshros

Hi we're back!"

Eshros is sitting on the chair of doom looking annoyed.

_'Know r stars...know r stars...know r stars'_

"Hey who are you how the heck did I get here!" Eshros demanded.

_'Eshros...he likes to chew on raw alligator meat'_

"You idiot that's what Brago like to eat!"

_'Well he's not the only one'_

"For your information I don't chew on raw stuff at all!" Eshros said through gritted teeth.

_'Then what do you like to eat?'_

"Giant rice balls not raw meat there you have it!"

_'Eshros...he's a vegetarian'_

"To hell I'm not a vegetarian I eat raw elephant meat!" Eshros yelled.

"You just said you eat raw meat!" Erin exclaimed.

"What I said that oh blitznak" Eshros said swearing in an alien language from Lilo and stitch.

_'Eshros...he's in love with a cat named Shiba'_

"WHAT I AM NOT I LOVE WITH A POMPUS CAT NAMED SHIBA" Eshros screeched steam coming out of his ears.

'But your shirt says you do'

"What shirt I'm not wearing a shirt that says that!"

A mechanical arm drops a purple t-shirt with an orange cat on it and underneath is read 'I (heart) Shiba'.

"Now you are" Erin said grinning.

"ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH Listen you I'm not in love with a cat named Shiba heck I don't even know anyone named Shiba" Eshros hissed.

_'Sure you do'_

"That's it I'm getting rid of this ridiculous shirt!"

Eshros attempted to pull of the shirt there was another underneath and another and so on. Soon there was a mile high pile of shirts only Eshros was still wearing one.

"WHY WON'T THIS THING COME OFF!"

"Dude if you take off that shirt you'll be half nude and I can't let that happen" Erin explained.

"(BEEP) you to (BEEP)" Eshros muttered.

_'Eshros...he likes to sing and dance the chi chi wo moge'_ (people who watch the jap version will know what this means people who don't well I'll let you figure out the meaning yourself)

"Who the hell would dance to that perverted song!"

_'You'_

"I do not!"

_"Yes you do"_

"No"

_'Yes'_

"No"

_'Yes'_

"No"

_'Yes'_

"No"

_'Yes'_

"No"

_'No'_

"Yes"

_'You just admitted you sing and dance to the chi chi wo moge haha!'_

"But you said no meaning you said I don't dance to it" Eshros pointed out.

_'I had my fingers crossed'_

"I hate you"

_'I know you do Ahem Eshros...he likes to eat bugs'_

"For pete sakes first you say I like to chew on raw meat next you say I'm a vegetarian and now you say I like to eat bugs which one is it!"

_'All three'_

"But if I'm a vegetarian I can't eat raw meat"

_'Simple you eat raw bug meat! One more thing you just admitted to being a vegetarian'_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Eshros screamed pulling his hair out.

"I think he's lost it" Kiyo whispered to Folgore.

"Yeah" was the reply.

_'Eshros...he's a mama's boy'_

"What I'm not a mama's boy that's Sheen's job!"

_'Exactly that's why you two are partners your both mama's boys'_

Eshros started mumbling curses at the voice.

_'Eshros...he's part fish'_

"Do I look like a fish to you?" Eshros asked clearly, peeved.

A fish suit drops from the sky onto Eshros.

_'Now you do'_

"Well at least this suit covers the embarrassing shirt"

Another 'I (heart) Shiba' shirt falls from the sky onto Eshros and over the fish suit.

"Me and my big mouth"

_'Eshros...he likes to see Sherry naked'_

"WHAT?" Eshros yelled confused.

"WHAT!" Sherry and Brago yelled angrily.

_'Its true you've got cameras all over her bathroom'_

Sherry and Brago go over and beat Eshros to a pulp.

"Owie..." Eshros whimpered.

_'Eshros...he's an alien from outer space'_

"What how can I be an alien"

_'You said Blitznak earlier and that's from Lilo and stitch and Stitch is an alien'_

"But how can I be a fish and an alien?"

_'Your a fish alien oh and umm Area 51 is here to take you away'_

"Huh!"

Area 51 agents barge down the door and drag Eshros away.

"I WILL GET YOU!" Eshros screamed as he was dragged off to experiment on.

_'Now you know Eshros the fish alien who loves a cat named Shiba'_

"Well I'm going to go fix that door now so anyway next time both Brago, and Tia are coming on keep sending Ideas bye" Erin said and hurried off to fix the door the Area 51 agents barged down.


	4. Erin

"Hi it's been so long since Erin (formerly Mocha) updated that we brought you a special chapter," Zatch said from the audience.

'Know r Authoress… know r authoress… know r authoress'

"I cannot believe I agreed to this" Erin muttered.

'Erin…she's dating Ruku'

The audience gasps in horror.

"I am not going to lose my cool, I am not going to lose my cool" Erin mumbled.

'Erin…loves to shove oranges up her nose'

"That is highly impossible" Erin stated calmly.

'Erin…. has a shrine dedicated to Britney Spears'

Erin's eye starts to twitch.

'Oh I'm getting to her Ahem Erin…she made out with Zabas'

"WHY YOU LITTLE HEY DON'T DRAG ME INTO THIS!" Zabas screamed while Erin looked like she was on the edge of insanity.

'Just a little more and she's going to crack Erin…she gave Hosokawa a hundred kisses for his Valentine's day and not the chocolate kind either'

Erin is now reading a book on how not to lose your cool.

"Fifty bucks she cracks on the next one" Eido whispered to Haru.

"Dude your on"

'She's going to crack Erin…. she slept with Fein'

Erin lost her cool.

'And she has cracked'

"Hahahahaha in your face" Eido sneered at Haru who handed over fifty bucks.

Erin jumped up from her seat grabbed a chainsaw, started swinging it around, and ran up to where the voice was.

'I'm going to die aren't I?'

"Yes you are" Erin said in a scary voice appearing behind the voice, and the next scene is too violent to display.

Ten Minutes Later:

Mocha is all happy and there is no sign of the voice.

"Oh my Gosh she killed the announcer" Kiyo said shocked.

"YES NO MORE HUMILIATING MOMENTS!" the cast cheered.

"Oh don't worry there are lots more where he came from" Erin responded.

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Everyone wailed.

And thus a new voice comes to the microphone.

'Yes now I don't have to sell shoes anymore!'

"Anyway since you've all been waiting for Brago and Tia they're next Bye!"


	5. Brago and Tia

"Hi wow after so long I'm finally updating" Erin said.

Brago comes in and sits on the chair of DOOOOOOM.

'_Know r stars…know r stars…know r stars'_

"Hurry up and get on with it"

'_Brago… he likes to dance ballet'_

"I do not you miserable human how dare you make up lies about me!" Brago yelled shaking his fist.

'_Brago… he likes to do the hula'_

"For the love of my Great aunt Fanny first you say I dance ballet, and then you say I do the hula! Which one is it!" Brago screeched.

'_Both'_

"Listen you I do not know how you come up with all these lies" Brago said through gritted teeth.

'_But it's all true'_

"NO IT IS NOT!"

"Ahh that's what you want us to think, but no we will not fall into your little trap" Erin said with a retarded accent, and Brago stared at her with an expression that said WTH?

"_Moving on Brago… he likes to make out with Sherry when no one's looking"_

"WHO THE HECK TOLD YOU THAT!"

"_You mean it's true I was just making it up, but no wonder you get mad when people talk about her"_

"Grrrr stupid voice" Brago muttered.

"_Brago…he likes to dance and sing to 'Hollaback Girl'"_

"To Hell with that I hate that song!"

"That is just what you want us to think"

"_Brago…he wants Koko to bear his child"_

"WHAT!" Brago, Sherry, Koko, and Zofis yelled in unison.

"_It's true it said so in his diary"_

"BRAGO STAY AWAY FROM KOKO SHE'S MINE YOU HEAR ME" Zofis screamed looking like a devil.

"Br-Brago how could you I thought you love me" Sherry ran away, after bursting into tears.

"No wait! Sherry this person's lying I love you an only you!" Brago called to her.

"_Tsk, tsk Brago you should be ashamed of yourself, breaking poor Sherry's heart"_

"ASHAMED MY FOOT ADMIT YOU LIED THIS INSTANT!"

"_Why should I admit I lied when it's true"?_

Brago now looked like he was going to explode into a ball of fire.

"_Brago…is the weakest mamodo ever"_

"THAT'S IT I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Brago attempted to jump out of his chair, but found out he was glued onto it.

"The heck I can't get up!"

"I figured you would lose your temper and try to kill the voice so I put super glue on your chair" Erin said.

"Once I kill that voice your next" Brago growled.

"Yeah sure whatever dude"

"_Brago…when nobody's looking he likes to dress up in frilly pink dresses, and play princess"_

That did it.

Brago let out an angry roar, and exploded into a ball of fire. Luckily, no one was hurt, but the entire studio was nothing but ashes.

"Brago I'm suing you!" Erin declared.

"Just try it" Brago retorted standing up with the chair still glued to him.

"Okay fine"

**In a courtroom somewhere:**

The entire Zatch Bell cast is assembled there, with Zofis as the judge dressed in white wig and all, and Zeno, Dufort, Robnos, Reycom, and Sugino as the jury.

"Its not fair Zofis is the judge he'll make me guilty for sure!" Brago protested.

"Order in the court! And technically it's the jury's decision not mine" Zofis said banging his gavel.

"So you say he destroyed your studio?" Zofis asked.

"Yeah and he didn't even say sorry" Erin replied glaring at the said person.

"Jury how do find the defendant?"

"Guilty" the jury answered in bored voices.

"Okay then I sentence you to having to dress up in a monkey suit, and do the jig for ten years straight"

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Yes I can I'm the judge. Court dismissed MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Zofis cackled.

Brago, then reluctantly, started his punishment while mumbling curses, at the voice and Erin.

**Back to burned down remains of the studio:**

"Well since Brago destroyed this place we'll just have to improvise for the time being" Erin said, snapping her fingers, and ten seconds later everyone was in her room, with Zatch using a flashlight as the spotlight, and the voice speaking from the closet.

Tia enters and sits on a small stool.

"_Know r stars…know r stars…. know r stars"_

"Who are you?" Tia questioned.

"_Tia… is a Star Trek fan"_

"No I'm not who would watch that dumb show!" Tia exclaimed (No offence to people to like Star Trek)

"_You would"_

"No I wouldn't"

"_Yes you would"_

"No"

"_Yes"_

"No"

"_Yes"_

"No"

"_Yes"_

"No"

"_Yes"_

"NO"

"_Yes"_

"No"

"_Yes"_

"No"

"_This is stupid I'm going to continue Ahem Tia…she stalks Zatch"_

"Tia is that true?" Zatch asked from the jail the cops from Chapter one put him in.

"You liar I am not a Stalker!" Tia yelled.

"_That's just what you want us to think"_

"Now I know why everyone was so annoyed with you," Tia muttered.

"_Tia…She has a crush on Robnos"_

"I do?" Tia said confused.

"She does?" Robnos said.

"_Yep said so in her diary, and he's not the only one you've had a crush on let me start listing them…"_

"YOU READ MY DIARY!" Tia screamed, but the voice ignored her and started listing her former crushes.

"_There's Fein, Eshros, Zofis, Zabas, Brago, Kiyo, Kanchome, Folgore, Maruss, Hosokawa, Haru, Hyde, Eido, Sebe, Sheen, Bari, Gustav, Galliont, Pamoon, Victoream, Purio, Reycom, Sugino, Ruku, Renji, and uh should I go on?"_

"YOU LIAR I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON ANY OF THEM! HECK HALF OF THE GUYS YOU MENTIONED ARE WAY TO OLD FOR ME!" Tia screeched enraged.

"_Age is only a number my dear"_

"Not to me it isn't!"

"_Riiiiigggghhhhtttt moving on Tia…she's really a shriveled up old lady"_

"The heck do I look like an old lady to you!"

"_Yep you do. It's just that you use makeup to cover your wrinkles"_

"All this time I never knew Tia was an old lady" Zatch remarked.

"ZATCH BELL HOW DARE YOU BELIEVE THIS LIAR!" Tia screamed going over to the jail, and started strangling Zatch.

"_Tsk, tsk Tia violence is never the answer"_

"You'd be mad to if someone was telling lies about you!"

"_What do you mean I'm not lying"?_

"Yes you are!"

"_Ah but that's just what you want us to think but no we will not fall into your little trap"_

"That line was said earlier in the chapter!" Tia pointed out.

"_So?"_

"So it's pointless to say what's already been said!"

"_Your just jealous, because I have skill and you don't!"_

"Why the heck would I be jealous of you? You don't even have skill!"

"_So you admit it?"_

"Huh? I never admitted anything!" Tia yelled.

"_That just what you want us to think but-"_

"JUST HURRY UP AND FINISH THIS!" Erin screamed tired of all the arguing.

"_Okay fine Miss Cranky. Tia…She once made out with Megumi"_

Gasps filled the entire room.

"OKAY BEING CALLED AN OLD LADY I CAN HANDLE BUT SAYING THAT I MADE OUT WITH MEGUMI IS CROSSING THE LINE!"

"Don't worry Tia feel free to come out of the closet we'll still be your friends" Kanchome said patting Tia's head.

"I'M NOT COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET CAUSE I NEVER WAS IN THE CLOSET YOU DUMB(BEEP)" Tia screeched strangling Kanchome.

"_Now you know Tia… the old lady, who stalks Zatch, has a crush on Robnos, made out with Megumi, and watches Star Trek"_

"WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME! COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN SO I CAN KICK YOUR BUTT!" Tia screamed jumping up and down.

"Sorry for the long wait in updates Maruss is next, and then probably Sherry. Bye!" Erin said waving.


	6. Know R Stars Special: Part One

Yes, yes, this is EXTREMLY _long_, and it's a Know R Stars Double Your Authoress,Double Your Fun! Special it'll be written in 3 parts

You know you love us.

Reviews are _really really nice_ and let me let you on a secret. The more reviews, the faster the updates would be, and the funnier it'll get!

-Rachie and Erin

* * *

"Hi welcome to yet another Know R Stars Special...not only am I, yes, the great and worthy Erin, your hostess today on Know R Stars, Rachel(who now writes in this account with Erin after months of writer's block) will also be your uh...hostess-in-training." Erin said as she suddenly popped out of nowhere, along with Rachelle looking pissed off, murmuring something about Erin copying her style. 

"How does she do that?" Brago whispered to Sherry.

"Ten bucks she's gonna do that next time."

"Oh bring it on girlie, bring it on!"

"You really got to stop watching those gangsta movies." Sherry rolled her eyes.

"Ah...but you know you love me." Brago pouted.

"You're an idiot."

"But I'm _your_ idiot aren't I?"

Sherry blushed a dark shade of red while Brago smirked.

"Ok, ok, break it up you two! No PDA when show starts or I'll have to call security." Erin said.

"Fine, we'll just...we'll just go upstairs!" Sherry said confidently, dragging Brago along with her.

"If you wanted me that bad, you could have just asked." Brago smirked as Sherry blushed.

"REMEMBER! USE PROTECTION!" Rachelle hollered as the couple went to do their uh...you don't wanna know.

"Mmm, nice one. I might upgrade you to official hostess." Erin mumured in approval.

"I know, I know, you shall bow down to my wonderfullness! Bwahahahahahaha!" Erin backed away slowly.

"Uh, well you know, I have to...change the cat litter!" Erin jumped off the 'Emergency Exit When Psychos Come To Attack' window.

"Yes! I have succeeded into making Erin suicide! Now I am the official hostess and you will all suffer!" Rachelle screamed in triumph.

"Aww, did anyone miss me?" Erin stood with messy hair and runny make-up, smirking.

"NOOOOOO! My plan...my plan backfired! IT WAS FOOL PROOF!"

"Well you know, Rachie darling, you were always that dense."

"Wait a second..," murmured Rachelle looking suspiciously at Erin,"You weren't just making out with that Eido guy were you?"

"How do you know these things? I never told anyone he was my lover!" Erin gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

"And you called me dense!"

The audience gasped in horror, while some wolf-whistled and nodded at Erin approvingly.

"Aha! I knew it! I knew you two hooked up! And you said he wasn't a hawtie!" Rachelle pointed her finger accusingly at Erin.

"Yes! I knew you couldn't deny my sexiness!" Eido shouted from the audience.

"Well at least I have better taste in men than you! You hooked up with Ruku!"

"And what exactly is wrong with me?" Ruku asked clearly peeved.

Meanwhile Rachelle was in so much shock that her secret had been discovered her simple mind couldn't come up with a good comeback.

"Ah, poor little Rachelle doesn't have a good comeback hmm? Aw you know that I have more wit than any girl you'll ever meet!" Erin smirked, while Rachel laughed her fucking ass off.

"What's so funny?" asked Erin, raising an eyebrow.

"You...y-you said it like you were gay!" Rachelle fell off her hostess chair and clutched her stomach, coughing and laughing at the same time. Meanwhile, Erin's smirk faded into a glare.

"Fuck you! This ain't no Erin Freak Circus Show."

"I'm sorry, I'm not gay. Maybe you'll find a nice girl like Zofus." Rachelle said, patting Erin's shoulder in mocking concern.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT A GIRL! I'M VERY MANLY, MORE A MAN THAN YOU'LL EVER BE!" Zofus screamed from the audience.

"Sure, when evil sexy gummy bears come to kill us all." Erin said sarcastically, while nodding her head soleumly.

"Aw poor Erin-poo, she's so desperate, she has to hit on poor little gummy bears."

"Well...I'M JUST KEWL THAT WAY!"

"Oh suuure, and I'm the queen of U.S."

Erin frowned."There are no queens in US..."

"Ahh, my friend, that's what they _want_ you to think."

"Aha! You ain't no queen in U.S!"

"Uh Erin-bear, that was sarcasm..."

"Oh suuure, when pigs turn purple and fly!"

"You know sarcasm is getting old these days."

"Then how come you used it?"

"CUZ I'M KEWLER THAN YOU! AND BESIDES, I _INVENTED_ THE WORD KEWL!"

"Well...well I'm eviller than you!"

"And you said _I_ was dense! It's 'more evil' not eviller. God, get your grammer straight you little girl!"

"Asians..."

"Aww Erin, you're not going racist on me are you?"

An awkward silence followed...

'Toxic' by Brittney Spears suddenly rang out from the audience, ruining a perfect moment of silence.

"Hehehehehe, hello?" Kiyo blushed picking up his cellphone.

"YOU YOUNG MAN GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE! IT'S TIME FOR YOUR BALLET LESSONS!"

A random guy carried a sign "Laugh" across the stage. The audience laughed hysterically.

"Uh...wrong number?"

"DONT GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT KIYOKINS! GET DOWN HERE OR ELSE IM NOT GOING TO BUY YOU ANYMORE BARBIES!"

Kiyo blushed a dark shade of red.

"Um ok m'am, I'm sugggesting a psychologist! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU!"

"AND NO MORE BED TIME STORIES FOR YOU!" Kiyo's mom screamed into the phone.

A couple hours later...

"THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE! YOU MISSED YOUR DAMN BALLET LESSON!"

"Hehe, later mom."

"DONT USE THAT TONE WITH ME! AND I'M NOT YOUR MOM ANYMORE!" Kiyo's mom hung up on Kiyo, who was blushing a fine shade of red.

"Now you know...Kiyo, the kiss-up mama's boy..." Rachelle said in a manly voice.

"HEY! IT'S NOT EVEN MY TURN! AND YOU'RE NOT THE VOICE!"

"Well...I'm stalling. Which reminds me, where is the voice?"

Where is the voice?

Suddenly, the lights flickered off and everyone was silent...

The lights flickered back on, and then Tia screamed in horror. Lying in the audience laid Zatch, bleeding a crimson puddle of blood; dead.

Where is the voice?


	7. Know R Stars Special: Part Two

"Is..is Zatch...dead...?"

"Let's poke him and see if he's alive!" Eido jumped up and down with a wide grin on his face.

Erin looked annoyed." Did you give him chocolate?"

"Ma-aybe just a _small _piece..." Rachelle shifted her eyes.

"MORE LIKE THE WHOLE BAR!" Eido shouted, pointing at Rachelle.

"No (BEEP) Sherlock." Erin rolled her eyes.

"Forget about the chocolate, what's going to happen to _us, _idiots. Zatch is dead. Is there no more Zatch Bell? Will we vanish out of existence? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?" Megumi waved her hands wildly.

"LET'S DO THE VERY MELON DANCE!" Eido shouted while jumping up and down on the trampoline.

"Just a _small_ piece..._right_ Rachelle? Right?"

"At least I don't cut up helpless gummy bear body parts and eat them."

"...You've been stalking me, haven't you?"

"Maaaybe..." Rachelle shifted her eyes, but was rudely interrupted by Tia.

"NOOOO! I NEVER GOT TO TELL ZATCH MY UNDENYING LOVE FOR HIM! He was my air; every breath I took, I took because of him! He kept me alive for so long...I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM!" Tia cried as she looked at Zatch painfully.

"Ah...young and desperate love...too bad Zatch doesn't like her in that type of way..."

"YES HE DOES! HE LOVES ME UNLIKE YOU AREN'T YOU JEALOUS!" Tia screeched, wailing and pulling at her hair.

Erin and Rachelle both sweat drop. "You know he was dating Kolulu, right?"

Suddenly, Tia's expression grew grim. "He...he did WHAT? That two-timing pathetic excuse of a human! Let me at him, let me at him!"

Megumi and Sherry both reached out to grab Tia back, who right now was scratching at the floor, wanting to cut Zatch into little pieces and eat him.

"Whoa whoa, hold on girlies, Zatch is dead...how come we aren't vanishing? ZATCH BELL IS OVER RIGHT?" Kanchome yelled, getting everyone's attention.

As on cue, Zatch stirred and looked at everyone, baffled. "Where am I? Is this heaven?"

"No, you took a wrong turn buddy. This is hell."

"NOOOOO! I WON'T GO TO HELL! THAT'S WHERE BAD GUYS GO! Wait...didn't I get a restraining order?"

"Oh sorry Zatch. I kinda um...well...you know...ate it..." Kanchome scratched his head nervously.

"He's ALIVE!" Tia shouted with joy as the chorus of Hallelujah came on out of nowhere.

"YOU'RE A MINUTE LATE YOU IMBECILES!" Erin yelled at the sound crew.

"Heheheheh...sorry." the sound crew grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah well you better be!" Erin yelled back and started ranting to herself.

"Ahem why am I sitting on ketchup?" Zatch looked peeved. "Does anyone have some yellowtail? I'm hungry..."

"I knew it was too good to be true," murmured Megumi.

"Well considering Mrs. Yellowtail Bell is Zatch's wifey, I'm not surprised." Rachelle said

"She's not my wife! Wait...I mean, it isn't my wife! Or husband...considering I don't know the gender...hey do I even swing that way?"

"I beg to differ...I think you swing both ways."

"ARGGG! Just because I think she's pretty...I mean he's pretty...no wait I mean it's pretty doesn't mean I wanna marry Yellowtail!"

"Riiiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttt"

"You really know how to push my buttons don't you?"

"I'm glad Zatch is alive and stuff but seriously, where is the voice!" Erin yelled.

Suddenly, 'My world' by SR-71 rang out. Kiyo picked up his cell.

"Hello is anyone even on this piece of crap? I don't get paid enough for this. Seven days..." a voice whispered from Kiyo's cell.

"But...but I didn't watch the Ring Tape!"

"Doesn't matter...you're going to die in seven days..."

"But tomorrow's my birthday."

"Ok fine...tomorrow you shall die. Your judgment has come. Death shall overcome you!" the mysterious voice laughed evilly and hung up.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Calm down Kiyo" Erin said rolling her eyes.

"HELLO MY QUESTION STILL HASN'T BEEN ANSWERED WHERE IS THE VOICE?" Erin yelled.

Suddenly, thunder thrashed and lightning struck Rachelle. Her eyes rolled back and her body crashed onto the floor; dead.

"Crud! How am I supposed to do the story without her!" Erin screeched.

Then Rachelle came back to life again.

"Good... now I don't have to worry"

"Funny how I walked through the tunnel...and ended up back on Earth," Rachelle mumbled, ranting to herself.

Just then the lights started flickering on and off AGAIN.

"I swear if another person turns up dead and it's ketchup I will injure someone!"

This time almost everyone in the Zatch Bell crew was gone, all except Kiyo and the two hostesses. Kiyo, Erin and Rachelle gasped in horror.

"This is bad…" Kiyo stated

"Way to point out the obvious genius!" Rachelle mumbled

"You really have no sense of humor don't you?" Erin replied.

"You find this funny? How can you find this funny the entire cast has disappeared we could be next for all you know"

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…" Erin sang.

"ARGH AM I THE ONLY ONE SANE HERE!"

"Hey I'm sane" Kiyo said

"Put yo hands up buddy! This is a stick up!" Erin yelled while taking out her almighty squirt gun.

Rachelle sweatdropped."I take that as a yes."

"Don't diss me!" Erin screamed while firing her squirt gun. Which left poor Rachelle in a drenched mess...

Oh

No

She

Didn't.

"BRING IT ON LITTLE GIRL, BRING IT ON!" Rachelle screamed like a banshee and fired her squirt gun at Erin.

Things just got ugly...

**Three hours later...**

Both hostesses are completely drenched with water and shivering.

"I knew I should have drank coffee this morning..." Rachelle said, slamming her head against the wall.

"Now to get back on track we gotta figure out where the cast all went...well minus Kiyo who I think went off to find them himself, while we were fighting." Erin said.

"Why do we have to find them again?" Rachelle whined.

"Cause Zatch Bell can't continue if the entire cast has disappeared."

"And that's a bad thing?!"

"...The producers will sue you if you don't return them safe and sound."

"Then to the mother ship!" Rachelle said as super-hero music followed.

"This isn't Star Wars ya know..."

"And I care why?"

**5 hours later...**

The two authoresses had a bunch of characters from different anime(mostly Naruto...we know they're evil) in an interrogation room, to well...interrogate them.

"Why the hell are we asking these people where the cast has gone?!" Erin asked looking at Rachelle.

"Cause they might have kidnapped the cast to make their show more popular," Rachelle answered.

"But technically One Piece and Naruto are more popular than Zatch Bell. I think anyways..."

"Yay! Go us!" Naruto yelled, pumping his fist enthusiastically.

"Aha! So you admit you kidnapped the Zatch Bell cast...didn't you?"

"Uh...no...besides we are way more popular than them...so HAHA! I totally rock!" Naruto yelled triumphantly, pumping his fist in the air while jumping up and down.

Sasuke sweatdropped."You idiot..." he said, whacking Naruto on the head.

"Hmmmm? Who are you calling an idiot? I am way more important than you, you dim-witted peasant! That's why the show is named after me and only me, UZUMAKI NARUTO!"

Sasuke shot Naruto a death glare, while Naruto backed away slowly. Naruto peed in his pants, and blushed madly in a deep shade of red.

"I'm...just...going...to-tttto the w--wa--shroom to d-do s-s-s-some-stuff..." Naruto stuttered, running to the washroom. Sasuke smirked in satisfaction.

"Uh anyways first up is Uchiha Itachi," Rachelle awkwardly read from her list.

"You sure you wanna interrogate him?" Erin asked nervously.

"What, you scared or something?" Rachelle sneered.

"Fine you can interrogate him, but I'll wait outside thank you very much!"

"Chicken..."

"Not my fault if he uses Tsukuyomi on you!" Erin screeched while running out the emergency back door.

Rachelle sweat dropped. "Okay then...so has anyone seen that Itachi?"

"Well...he escaped 5 minutes ago but he threatened us not to tell you or else-" Sakura clamped her hand on Naruto's mouth.

"NARUTO YOU IDIOT! You _had _to tell her didn't you?" Sakura hissed, shooting Naruto a death glare. Naruto backed away slowly, and then jumped out the emergency exit window, terrified Sakura would kill him.

"Well that's just great, Naruto probably peed in his pants _then_ got ran over by a car, and Erin probably jumped off the roof...where has the world gone to?"

Suddenly, as if on cue, the lights went out and the voices tuned out. Before you knew it, everything went black...


End file.
